GNot GNecessary

You can disagree. You can argue until you are blue in the face. You can bicker, squabble and debate but I will not give in.

"Gn" is the oddest way to start a word that the English language has to offer.

Sure, you have your "ps," "pn," "ll," "aa," "kn," "cz," "bd," and many more. But I still will not submit. GN? Nothing stranger.

Silent letters at the beginning of a word are God's way of striking an elementary school teacher for getting so much paid vacation. GN is the largest bolt there is.

It may have something to do with GNOSTICISM. A definite sign of confidence when you name your religious beliefs after a Greek word meaning knowledge- GNOSIS. I tried my best to find out what a GNOSTIC person believes, and succinctly summarize it here, but I found it confusing. See for yourself:

http://www.reference.com/browse/gnostic

Moving on.

A knot is a tree is called a GNARL. That's just mean English language maker! We couldn't just call it a knot and leave it at that. No, we had to give it a completely new name with an even more impossible silent letter. Knot=Gnarl. I give up. We could have at least called it a gnot. A tree full of GNARLS is GNARLY or GNARLED, the tree that has more knots is GNARLIER, and the tree with the most knots is the GNARLIEST.

So far, we have two examples of KN's changing to GN's. Probably just a coincidence, but interesting nonetheless.

In 2006, the song "Crazy" was released by GNARLS BARKLEY. Yes, it does make me crazy Gnarls. It makes me crazy to know that you named your band Gnarls. It makes me crazy to think that someone would be that ridiculous. I don't know how Charles feels about this, but I imagine he doesn't speak of you kindly.

Thou shalt not GNASH. Have you ever grinded (ground?) your teeth together? Well, you have committed the sin of GNASHING. One GNASHES their teeth when they are nervous or sleeping. It makes sense considering GNATHIC is "of or pertaining to the jaw." Or does it make sense? No, it absolutely does not. If the doctor to me I had a GNATHAL fracture, I might just give him one. Don't you dare tell me about my GNATH (OK, that one isn't real.)

Now, knowing that GNA___ has something to do with jaw, it makes sense that we have the word GNAW. No wait. Again, it makes no sense. Just say chew. GNAW seems to be a relatively more common word than the other examples thus far. People often refer to dogs as GNAWING on something or food as GNAWABLE...or not. Come on. Haven't you ever heard someone say, "Wow. That GNOCCHI looks GNAWABLE!!"

A blood-sucking dipterous fly, of the genus Culex, undergoing a metamorphosis in water. The females have a proboscis armed with needle like organs for penetrating the skin of animals. These are wanting in the males. I will always call a GNAT a mosquito. I don't care what you call it. But if you tell me you are a GNATCATCHER, I may go ballistic if you spell it with a G.

Is the GNAT related to the GNU?

I have attempted to resist astronomy references on this forum since my Physics-buddy Ricky called me out on a previous post about Pluto (See: "The Order of Things"), but this one is too good to pass up. Plus the word "Physics" sucks too. I will use the exact definition I found in order to prevent future scolding:

GNOMON: n. - A style or column erected perpendicularly to the horizon, formerly used in astronomical observations. Its principal use was to find the altitude of the sun by measuring the length of its shadow.

If you need further explanation, please contact Ricky. He is a Fisics guy. All I know is that if you add an "i" in Gnomon, it is an anagram for "mooning." That has something to do with astronomy right? Hehe...mooning.

If one only uses the previous examples, the "GN" is completely unnecessary. It doesn't need to exist. All of the above words can either be substituted with another, more common and useful word (gnaw=chew, gnat=mosquito, gnu=antelope) or they are so old and outdated that they can be erased from the dictionary and no one would be any worse off.

But, there is one glorious use of the GN that will not allow the above to take place:

The GNOME

The Gnome is GN's "Get Out of Jail Free" card. It is it's saving grace. All of the GN displeasure I have experienced in my life is greatly outweighed by the joys that I have received from gnomes. Gnomes are on the same rung of my awesomeness latter as ninjas. If I had three Genie wishes, I would wish for three gnome servants to wait on me for the rest of my life.

"Fetch me a spirit gnome!"

"Gnome. Change the channel to ESPN!"

"Take the day off gnome! Go sit in the garden."

I love gnomes. I love that they are small. I love that they are good with finances. I love that they waddle and I love that they are old. I love everything about gnomes.

Except that they live in GNARLS.