That's Alarming

Think about the first tone that you hear everyday. The sound that rips you from the soothing clutches of you covers each morning. The absolute first sensation that you experience every...single...day.

Is it an annoying split second "ehhh...ehhhh...ehhh...ehhh?" Because if it is, I can't imagine that it puts you in the best mood and I do not envy your co-workers. There was a time in my life when I woke up to that sound - the same sound they play in horror movies when the killer is about to shank some chick in the shower. It made me want to...well...hit something, if not shank someone.

I am, most certainly, not a morning person, so this sound is extra important for me. I have tried many different sounds, and they have all had different effects on my daily routines.

The Steve Miller Days

My first college roommate would do the radio-alarm-clock-wake-up on a daily basis. Since we were in a dorm room, I would be required to share his routine, and he mine. We both had ridiculous snoozing habits at the time (mine has yet to desist) and on his days, we would wake up 7 different times to 7 different classic rocks songs.

Using this method is extremely risky. You see, radio stations have an exorbitant amount of time where there is not actual music playing, especially in the morning. I didn't mind waking up to a song, but I didn't care for the days that Pete and I woke up to some dude talking about breast implants, or the traffic situation on I-10.

One day, we randomly woke up to Steve Miller's "Joker" and I look back on it as the greatest waking up experience of my life. We didn't press snooze, we didn't sit in bed for an extra ten minutes staring at the ceiling and we didn't get ready in complete silence. We woke up energized, excited and ready for the day.

After moving out of the dorm and reflecting on this wake up situation, I thought it would be a good idea to program the "Joker" to my phone and wake up to the song everyday.

That got old really fast.

I quickly got tired of being the space cowboy and accidentally introducing myself to people as Maurice. And the worst part about waking up to a popular song is that you shutter every time you hear it during everyday activities, which for this song, was a freaking lot.

The Female Vocalist Days

Norah Jones and Vanessa Carlton each made an appearance on my alarm tone list. At the time, I thought it would nice to hear a gentle female voice for the first sound each morning. As soon as I began lighting candles, buying potpourri and peeing sitting down, I made a switch.

The Allman Brothers Days

My second classic rock addition to the list was "Ramblin' Man" by the Allman brothers.

The guitar riff at the beginning of the song did a wonderful job at getting me up in the morning. Unfortnuately, when guitar hero became increasingly popular, the song followed and I just got sick...of...it. I started making new words in my head when 6:30 hit:

"Lord, I awoke a tired mannnnn-an...

Tryin' to hit the snooze and reachin' as far as I can...

I really like to slee-eep in...

and I hope you understand....

Lord I awoke a tired man."

The Classical Music Days

Since then, I have done away with lyrics all together. If you told me there is a person on this earth that I can listen to, singing OR talking, every morning, I would not believe you. Especially if they say the same thing every time.

So, I moved on to music sans vocals and classical was the first genre I hit. I must be honest that this actaully worked longer than any other song. However, I eventually became increasingly more aware of, for instance, the background music in romantic movies, which made me hate cinema. There is more classical music in your everyday life than you would like to believe.

The Current Torturous Sound

...is "The Entertainer" by Scott Joplin. If you do not immediately recognize this song, I assure you would if you heard it. It is the go-to song for many mediocre piano players and is actually quite annoying. I thought, for sure, I would throw my phone against the wall the first morning, but it has worked for a good 5 months now.

If you want to see a cool trick, come to my house and play "The Entertainer" on our out-of-tune piano. I will instantly grow sleep-eye, have to pee and be pissed.

It's like Pavlov's Dog.