Who's on First?

Free seats 20 rows behind home plate. We're not in the nosebleeds anymore, Toto.

Neel (a Cubs fan), me (an Angels fan) and Liz (a "So You Think You Can Dance" fan) were not in a hurry to get to the game before the first pitch. Turns out this is blasphemy in the temple that is the "behind the net" section in Cardinal Nation. These are definitely not "roll into your seat in the third inning" seats and super fans sitting around us seem slightly agitated. Whatever- go Halos.

The situation further escalates when I snag the nearest beer vendor and patrons in my row are forced to relay the ID, the beer and the cash back and forth. God forbid they may miss one tossing of the rosin bag or one readjustment of the batting gloves. But, now that its over, the baseball viewing may commence.

The people sitting in front of us are not your typical residents of $125 seats. Saint Louis is situated within 45 minutes of dozens of podunk towns and Cardinal fans will often encounter -what my brother likes to refer to as- "Whiskey Tangos" at the ballpark. For those of you that are not familiar with the term, Urban Dictionary defines "Whiskey Tango" as:

"An abstract spoken method to point out the presence of white trash to friends while still remaining unoffensive. Based on the NATO code for the letters W and T."

Now, I happen to disagree with the assertion that it remains unoffensive to use this term. However, there is simply no better way to describe this mom and son pair.

Let me explain that my label of Whiskey Tangoness does not imply that the person doesn't have money, is in a certain social class or is unintelligent. Not at all. In fact, these people obviously had a lot of money. More than me. And they wanted you to know it. Everyone in the section knew it.

At the end of the eighth, Mama Tango came back after being gone for 20 minutes (son left unsupervised) with an awesome new garment for Mini Tango. A brand new National League All-Star jersey with "Pikey 6" embroidered on the back. Not ironed on. Embroidered.

Wanna know how much it costs?

I asked Mini Tango, "Is it your birthday?" It was the third present I had seen him receive. Mama Tango replied, "Everyday." My group continued to comment on how cool it was. Mama Tango then leans over behind Mini Tango and says, "normal voice This was really expensive. This (pointing to the embroidering) costs mouthing inaudibly sixty-nine dollars. normal voice And this (pointing to the jersey fabric) costs whispering so everyone could hear sixty dollars." Oh. Sweet.

I didn't ask, but I wonder if "Pikey" is his real name or a sweet Whiskey Tango nickname.

Mama Tango had an awesome camera. Look at the picture from my phone and the picture that she had taken on her camera actually looks clearer than the rest of the picture. That's how awesome her camera was. It makes that small part of the picture from my camera clear. Its like when you see commercials for HD TV's on your black and white 9" screen. Supposedly, they want to show you how clear, colorful and dynamic this awesome TV is going to be if you buy it, but I am sitting here watching it on my POS. Still looks awful.

I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable baseball fan and let me just say that Mini Tango had an amazing baseball IQ for a ten-year-old. Lets go over a couple of our interactions:

Situation: 9th Inning. 1-1 Game. Cards Starting pitcher has 110 pitches and gives up a lead-off single.

Blake: They're going to pull him.

Mini Tango: This will be his last inning.

Blake: He's not going to make it through the inning. They have people warming up, he is tired and he just gave up a hit in a close game.

Result: Pitcher shuts down three straight batters to go to the bottom of the ninth.

Situation: Cards end the ninth. Top of tenth about to start with Giants hitting.

Mini Tango: They are going to bring in Franklin.

Blake: No they won't. Hes the closer. They don't have a lead. Plus, Reyes is warming up in the bullpen.

Result: Franklin comes in and shuts down 1-2-3

Shut up kid.

The game? It was awesome. 1-1. Bottom of the tenth. Young Cardinal sensation Colby Rasmus at the plate. Full count. Nobody on. Crack..........Get back baby, get back!

Whiskey Tangos and super fans alike go wild!

Rack 'em.