Do You Need Anything Else?

Humans are creatures of habit and I am no exception.

I go to the same coffee shop every morning and order a large iced coffee (hot in the winter).

I have a regular rotation of lunch locations- Penn Station East Coast Subs, Saint Louis Bread Co., Qdoba, etc.

I go to the same grocery store at least once a week and generally get the same list- tuna, milk, dog food, sandwich materials, eggs and various random items.

I rob the same 7/11 every other day to pay for the above activities.

What really confuses me is why certain employees at these businesses act like they have never seen me before in their entire life.

I have been coming to this coffee shop almost every morning, including the weekends, for an entire year, and there are never more than four people in there including staff. You would think that my picture would be on the wall as the most consistent customer or something. Instead, certain baristas look at me, when I say hello, the same way they looked at the guy at the bar the previous night- "Do I know you?"

Don't get me wrong, many people at these places know me by first name, the car I drive (and the fact that I park it in front of the fire hydrant every morning), my beverage of choice and how much ice I want. Others, not so much.

The sandwich shop people much be trained to ask the same question every time they hand me my 6-inch Italian with fries: "Do you need anything else?" When I first started coming to this establishment, the question confused me.

The reason? They ask the question as if they are going to actually put something in the bag themselves, but they don't. Anything I could possibly need for my to-go order could be handled myself by the contents of the counter next to the fountain soda machine: plastic forks, knives, spoons, napkins (which were already in the bag), lemon slices, salt and pepper packets, mustard, containers of extra oil and vinegar, straws, and even individually wrapped tooth picks.

You may be thinking, "Well maybe they have that stuff behind the counter as well." They don't. The first week I ever bought my Italian from this joint, Sammy Sandwich asked if I needed anything else and I said, "Could I get some napkins?" He pointed me to the self service counter.

You may have noticed there is one KEY ingredient not listed as a part of the self service counter: Ketchup, catsup, catchop, kechup. And with those hand cut, perfectly seasoned fries, I am gonna need me some ketchup. Why is the ketchup behind the counter when everything else is readily available? Another topic for another post.

So, when Suzy Sandwich asks me if I need anything else, the only thing she can actually provide me of any substantial dining value is some ketchup. Why, in God's name, doesn't she just freaking ask me if I want some freaking ketchup? I have no idea.

Suzy and Sammy have to know me by now. They simply have to. I have been there at least 50 times in the past ten months and every time, they ask me "Do you need anything else?" And every time, I say ketchup.

Today I forgot.

Suzy put the fries in a cup, put the cup in the bag (all while acting like I was a complete stranger), handed me the bag, asked the pointlessly vague question and I said "No." I started walking out the door. What the hell was I thinking? I turned around and said, "Can I get some ketchup?"

Suzy, in the absolute most condescending and degrading tone you could ever give a customer without being too rude, said, "Well, that's why I asked if you needed anything else."

Yes, I know Suzy. That's why you asked me if I needed anything else. If you asked me if I needed some ketchup- the one service you could actually provide- we wouldn't be in this situation.

Thanks.